Words. Only words.I cant smokein this pub in this house on this chairwithin minutes a man willhit my lover's leg with a newspapergo stand over therethe drops on my bus window make medream of business meetingsyou knew what poem I was talking aboutthey rob my mind like soldierswith bags of pearlswe're all going to diegirls dressed in expensive rags, hair dishevelled eyelinerperfectly ruined, lyingin a maze of hair on the floorsober duvets telling you tofollow him into the dooryour hands clasped, donnie darko's hoodyhe will make love to you and hewill leave quicklyyour stockings are undone, they playand the music on shuffle makes this whole thinga wind up box, chargingmy phone in the corner next to theprostituteDid you know I think thatyou are really cuteI'd like to snuggle up with you ina room with a chandelier, whichsmells like a museum. Iwant to lay with youand kissevery partof youlike in my dream. After your last textlast night, my pillow was a shoulderI inhale deeply
Wednesday5:00am - Open eyes. First cigarette of the day.5:30am - Get up alone. Dull ache in my body.5:40am - Nibble on some bread for breakfast. Guilt. Guilt. Guilt. Watch pointless TV.6:00am - Jump in the shower to scrub myself clean.6:20am - Wake up Carrie-Ann, get her breakfast and help dress her. Smoke more.7(ish)am - TV on. Coffee, cigarettes and painkillers.7:30am - Babysitter arrives, kiss Carrie-Ann goodbye and they leave.7:40am - Clothes. Skinny jeans, leopard print top, high heels.7:45am - Hair. Curly? Yeah.7:55am - Make-up. Foundation, blusher, lippy, eyeliner, mascara. Cover up face.8:15am - Grab books, cigarettes, ipod, keys and go catch the bus for college.8:20-40 - Review Health and Social notes for first.8:45am - Smoke. Dull ache begins to stab my body. Walk to first.8:50-9:50 - Lesson one. More painkillers. More notes. Still no smiles.9:55-10:55 - Lesson two. Next to best friend. Happiness.10:55-11:15 - Smoke at bus stop. Nibble sweeties and diet pills. Re-do mak
Home sweet homeThe map and my feet told me I was home.But my heart and eyes told me different.Was this my home?"What have they done to you home?" I whispered with tears in my eyes.Home stared blankly at me."What have they done to you?" Home whispered back."You are not longer welcome here."Was this my home?Not anymore.